The mystery of the wailing babe

Cracking the case took hard detective work, as though we were childcare versions of Sherlock Holmes. Again and again, we were baffled: One minute, Sonny would be drinking happily at his mother's breast. Then he'd break off and glance about - before launching a major crying jag. Was something wrong with her milk?, Mum fretted. Was it the way she was holding him, or something in the environment?

The spate of crying was even more mysterious than usual. So, as fans of the greatest detective who never lived, we applied his methods. First, a thorough examination of the scene. Sonny was fine physiologically, we determined: No insects were biting, no mouth ulcers lurked. No culprits there.

Was it Mum's hold? Did he just want to throw up? But Sonny had seemed perfectly happy till his mood changed, with no indication that he had been feeling uncomfortable. Surely there would have been some sign, had the truth lain in that direction. The logic was impeccable: Suspect cleared.

With all other factors eliminated, as Holmes had said, whatever remained - however unlikely - had to be the truth. The only suspect left? Sonny himself. And then the pieces fell into place, without even a need for puffing on smelly shag tobacco.

When Sonny had wanted a little break from his drinking, we deduced, he had released his hold - seeming to signal that he had drunk enough. His head turned away slightly, so Mum had automatically moved him a fraction away from her breast.

In fact, however, the rascal had every intention to resume snacking. And so he had been alarmed at being moved away from his milk source: Someone was stealing his food! That supremely-terrifying prospect had immediately triggered the waterworks.

We tested the theory the next time Sonny began wailing. A quick shove back to the milk source. Glug, glug. Tear-tap switched off. Hypothesis proven and mystery solved... until the next one. For we know many more baby mysteries will arise: Some, we suspect, intractable enough to stump even the greatest fictional detective ever.