Our little terrorist understands threats

Recall how, in places like Israel, the cardinal rule is never to negotiate with terrorists? Well, except in dire cases clearly marked off as exceptions? It seems this harsh principle of communication works with Sonny, too (though he's a mite younger than our typical terrorist, at just about 14-odd weeks old).

As chronicled in 'Training our one-armed baby', our son had developed the annoying habit of sucking his thumb - or, at a pinch, any combination of fingers. Since our original post, he had even learned to be ambidextrous about it. Our response had been to use a cloth nappy to bind his arm; at one point, we were restraining both arms at once.

But we didn't just leave it at that. After all, terrorist groups are seldom defeated simply through force of arms: There must be some talking done too. So we would explain to Sonny in a firm but uncompromising tone that he was not to suck his digits, that he should be following his parents' instructions but also that there were sound hygiene reasons for them. The routine, then, became this: Pa would say sharply, "Sonny, no! Put it down, now!", repeating it two or three times to give our youngster a chance to process the threat. If the warning was ignored, perhaps with even a complacent smile, there would be a sudden flurry of cloth and baby. Then the young fella would be left to contemplate his suddenly limb-tied existence. He might work himself free of his bonds, but if he tried to resume the forbidden activity, Pa would swoop down again.

Vicious? After several days of this, amazingly, comprehension took hold. At Pa's threatening "Sonny, down!", there would be a moment of wavering suspense - and then the little arm would creep downward again. This seems to vindicate the claim that even very young babies are clever things who understand far more than they are given credit for.

A few limitations have been noticed, however. First, Sonny will try to resume finger-mouthing after a minute or two, necessitating another round of warnings. Second, he completely ignored Mum's efforts to replicate Pa's success; she is still trying to perfect the right tone of command, but may also have to tie Sonny up a time or two to earn credibility. Third, our success was achieved over the weekend, when we had time to spend rehashing the warning cycle. After a few days back at the child care centre (where the administrator told us that "Sucking is natural, part of the child's exploration"), Sonny again needed to be reminded of the consequences of ignoring instructions.

Still, there's no doubt that communication of sorts has been established with our little insurgent. Tomorrow, we begin a two-part report on some of the research Mum did into an early freeing of Sonny from his diapers. Don't miss it - though that's just a suggestion, not a terrorist's threat.

New Mr Men characters, anyone?

The other day, Pa was visiting blogger Sydney's lively home base, Deadlines and Diapers, when he noticed the Little Miss Late logo on her sidebar. Turns out it was an in-joke of sorts between Sydney and her pals, but Pa was reminded of the enduring popularity of the Little Miss and Mr Men series, featuring characters named after sundry personal characteristics (hence Mr Lazy, Mr Uppity, Little Miss Wise et al).

No fewer than 45 Mr Men and 39 Little Miss titles have been published. Yet we suspect that anyone who's ever been a parent could cook up a few new characters. So here are two new and updated Mr Men, complete with plot outlines, distilled from the 14 weeks we've spent with Sonny:


(a) Mr Changeable

(inspired by Sonny's wild mood swings)

Mr Changeable, who lives in Alter Manor, takes drugs every few hours to keep his unpredictable temperament within controllable limits. But his friend Mr Clumsy comes to visit, and knocks his supply of pills into the fire. The story develops into a frantic dash for the nearest pharmacy, but before long Mr Changeable's moods begin to switch and succeed each other madly, leading to a series of detours and hairy encounters. It takes the combined efforts of Mr Impossible, Mr Happy and Mr Grumpy to steady Mr Changeable enough to get him to the local Boot's, where a happy ending reinforcing the importance of taking one's meds closes things off.

Visually, Mr Changeable is unlike all the Mr Men who've come before him, in that his essential features morph as his moods change. He can appear like a thunderstorm when unhappy, a huge smile when pleased and a pair of spectacles when meditative.

(b) Mr Whack

(inspired by Sonny's flailing, uncoordinated arms)

Mr Whack is a nice enough fellow. He has a decent job as the village telephonist, but he's always getting into trouble because he has no proper control of his arms. Someone will be talking to him, when - suddenly - his arm will swing out and (whack!) clock the unsuspecting conversation partner. A complete medical check-up at the local GP's has failed to explain why, so his neighbours are convinced he's doing it on purpose and shun poor Mr Whack.

One day, however, Mr Whack has a chat with Mr Clever, who suggests that he go to the big city and take an MRI. So begins Mr Whack's adventure. Along the way, he meets people whom he antagonises through ill-timed slaps and grabs. He reaches the city with a posse hot on his heels, but after many close shaves reaches The Big Hospital - where doctors put him through his paces, scan and diagnose him and are able to cure him.

However, the story ends on a bittersweet note: Mr Whack isn't insured, so he has to sell his house to pay for the bills. Luckily, he moves in with one of the few neighbours who's never avoided him - and indeed always sort of understood him - the accident-prone Mr Bump.

Anyone else have a Mr Man or Little Miss to proffer?

Malaysia and Singapore should be one country

The Chinese concept of yin and yang celebrates the harmony of opposites.

Well, as Sonny grows up, one of our battier hopes is for him to know a world in which Malaysia and Singapore are co-joined in a form approaching political unity. It's a cause with few overt supporters in either country - yet we think a trial balloon ought to be urgently floated.

For one thing, time is working against us. It's hard to imagine Canada and the United States linking up again, whatever their cultural affinities, simply because too much water has passed under the bridge. A few hundred years of divergent social and economic paths, unyoked by a shared political harness, has led to a polarisation of attitudes; each views the other, not always good-naturedly, as alien.

In Malaysia and Singapore, that process is well underway, but it has only been 43 years since political separation, so impregnable psychic barriers have yet to solidify. Yet the differences on display might already seem even more stark than with our North American example. Each country is the mirror image of the other, in terms of the preponderance of one ethnic group vis-a-vis another. Worse, the respective visions illuminating their paths to progress are wildly at odds: One celebrates the importance of merit and ability, the other harks back to historical injustices in enshrining the rights and privileges of one community.

However, there is a remarkable confluence of broad trends evident at the moment, that the more far-seeing leaders from both sides might seize upon as a spur to act. In Malaysia, there is a growing willingness to revise the race-based architecture that has defined the political discourse for decades, in favour of race-blind meritocracy and needs-based assistance. Singapore is reaching the limits of what it can achieve as a tiny spit of land, however competent its leadership and even though incremental improvements may still be possible. There is also a greater desire among its people for a less claustrophobic civic environment. In each case, the arrows are pointing to the neighbour as a source of inspiration, example and simple living space.

Yin and yang, then. If the strengths of the two nations could be fused, the resultant entity would be a far more formidable competitor in the global arena, and - perhaps more importantly - a richer social tapestry for each citizen to weave in his individual contribution. The excessive tendencies of each would be restrained by the other, whether this be a certain coldness masquerading as efficiency or a chaotic joyousness without sufficient direction.

The advice of the cautious would be to proceed very carefully, to first establish greater trust between the elites, then increase co-operation, and so forth. But if Sonny is to hope to ever live in our implausible united country, delay should not be brooked. In the first place, co-operation between the two nations is already far more extensive than newspaper headlines and occasional political eruptions would suggest. More fundamentally, however, this confluence of trends and opportunities will not last forever. If Malaysia stumbles its way towards a new political structure without stitching in a Singaporean contribution, its revised identity will again solidify and the chance would be lost. The same applies if Singapore completes a measure of social evolution and economic transformation in isolation, without bonds being forged with its neighbour as it does so. Make no mistake, changes in both countries are going to happen anyway: It is the chance to use the opportunity to draw the two closer that will evaporate if not seized. The results, if so, would be considerably less satisfactory than if yin-yang unity had been achieved.

Admittedly, with the ruling coalition in Malaysia facing a weakened grip on power, it will require remarkable courage and will to take up the challenge of seeking closer unity with Singapore. There will be those who see any such move as an opening to champion narrow partisan positions. Singapore, too, has made much of its prickly independence, and will have to educate its people quickly on the advantages of seeking exponentially closer ties with Malaysia. One resource to draw on is the many people in both countries who remember the days when the two countries were one. Properly mobilised, they can be an emotional beachhead on which to launch the campaign to convince the young. But it is a beachhead, also, that will be weakened and eroded with the years. In any event, there is no guarantee of success - but to delay is to guarantee failure.

Less food, more worry

Something rather weird is happening with Sonny: The young fella's suddenly gone on a diet.

Well, maybe our 14-week-old isn't consciously worrying about how well he's fitting into his rompers. But since he's begun spending his weekdays at the infant care centre, his milk consumption has tailed off dramatically. The staff at the care centre conscientiously record how much expressed breast milk he glugs down, and the statistics tell the story. He's drinking perhaps half as much as he used to, by our estimates.

Admittedly, about six weeks ago, we blogged about how Pa felt Sonny was getting a little too plump ('So round is our baby'). But this sudden reduction in appetite seemed cause for concern rather than even limited celebration. Some obvious potential causes came to mind: He's unfamiliar with the new environment, strange hands are ministering to him and dispensing his feeds, there are alien fellow babies to get used to. Perhaps, too, his milk is tasting odd: Though we'd taken care to introduce him to bottle feeding, in preparation for the switchover to infant care, he had still been primarily breast-fed.

Still, if Sonny does not revert to something approaching his former intake by another week or so, we'll probably look into monitoring his weight and other signs that would indicate possible illness. Already, his temperature is tracked at the care centre as a matter of course. A visit to the doctor might not be ruled out. In the short term, however, if Sonny slims down somewhat, we're not going to hit the panic button. Babies are changeable beings, by all accounts, and we've been warned many times not to expect a smooth ride... as the jagged edge of surprise traced by many of these meandering posts amply confirms.

So it's about rolling with the punches, gleaning whatever good or benefit that can be offered by our current situation. It's occurred to us that many religions teach the spiritual value of voluntary fasts, to encourage compassion for the downtrodden and focus the mind on things beyond material accumulation. Sonny's a little young for such discipline to be applied, but we're vicariously living out his slashed food intake - and are so reminded that there are families and children in the world for whom 'eating less' is a brutal fact forced upon them by economic circumstances.

Our parenting anxieties and neuroses, however valid in our context, are still ever so minor when weighed against the daily crises that our less lucky counterparts must deal with.

Stolen moments with Sonny

Pa doesn't get a lot of face time with Sonny these days, so he'll take any he can find - even if it means talking to a groggy baby. Funny how our son is always nodding off when Pa's about (see '"Oh, will nothing wake him?"').

Each morning, Pa ferries Sonny to the infant care centre at about 7:30 am, where he is cared for until 7 pm, when Mum races home from work to pick him up. Pa's peculiar job hours mean he only gets back around midnight, by which time wife and baby are snoring peacefully side-by-side. Well, Sonny doesn't really snore, but makes occasional whimpering sounds.

This leaves the short trot from our home to the infant care centre. Most times, Sonny is half-asleep at best, so Pa's attempts at small talk tend to go somewhat like this:

Pa (exiting our apartment with Sonny in one arm and the house key in the other): Alright, Sonny, we're off again.
Sonny: Hmmph [eyes closed].
Pa: Now we're getting into the lift. Hope we don't plunge downward when the cables break, eh?
Sonny: Hmmph.
Pa (crossing our little neighbourhood park and jiggling Sonny): Look at the flowers and the trees. Look at the people doing tai-chi. Look at me. Oi!
Sonny: Hmmph [sways precariously].
Pa (remembering that Sonny seems to like his hideous attempts at a Scottish accent, as reported in 'Who's this Scottish Papa?'): Erm... och, what'd yer say to a wee detour past the basketball court, laddie?
Sonny: Hmmph? [perking up slightly]
Pa: Aye, we've gotta get yer to the ladies at the centre now. Yer have ter behave, or we'll give yer a good hiding, y'hear?
Sonny: Hmmph [eyes clang shut].
Pa (reaching the centre and being greeted by the staff): Alright, wasn't it good to have a wee chat?

At this point, after the handover is effected, Sonny will suddenly revive, attain wakefulness and evince interest in his surroundings.

It's a little insulting really, Pa finds, but tells himself that Sonny is simply comforted to be carried about by his parents.

He's too young to be bored with us yet...

Er, right?